Without thinking, who is your favorite band or artist? My mind automatically went to Twenty One Pilots, but depending on my season of life, it could go anywhere from The Gray Havens to Casting Crowns to Ghost Ship to Trip Lee. I know the genre change is a tad…eclectic. You should see my playlist titled “Random” on Spotify. Ask me what genre I like, and it would be easier for me to tell you what genres I don’t like.
Almost everyone can tell you at least what their favorite song is. I say “almost” because there was that one encounter I had when I worked in customer service. I was chatting with a customer, and for some reason, music came up. She stated that she didn’t like music. I paused what I was doing and looked at her in awe and wonder. Usually, I was pretty good with editing myself, but in that instance, I heard myself ask, “Are you ok?” I guess my brain partially edited itself because I am so thankful that I didn’t ask what I was actually thinking: “What’s wrong with you?” Thankfully, she had a sense of humor and laughed it off while saying that her daughter asks her the same thing.
At this point, you might have noticed that music is a big part of my life. It has truly been one of the tools God has used to get me through some of my darkest valleys. There was a time at the beginning of my chronic pain journey when I went through a season called “angry and bitter toward God.” When I was home alone, I spent a good portion of that time having screaming matches with God….really, I did the screaming, while God patiently and lovingly listened. Though I made it a goal not to take that anger out on my family, my mom noticed the struggle.
She gently sat me down. Mom explained that she knew what I was going through was not my fault, that this wasn’t something that I had asked for, nor was it something that we understood. She also admitted that she couldn’t fully understand what I was going through because she wasn’t in my shoes. She acknowledged how hard and painful it was. Yet, she told me that I couldn’t sit in this anger. It would only destroy me.
She asked me if she could show me something in the Bible. In that moment, I felt my heart soften, if only a little bit. I nodded in agreement. She gave me her Bible and asked me to turn to Psalm 139. She asked me to read it out loud to her.
Psalm 139
The All-Knowing, Ever-Present God
For the Choir director. A psalm of David.
1 Lord, you have searched me and known me.
2 You know when I sit down and when I stand up;
you understand my thoughts from far away.
3 You observe my travels and my rest;
you are aware of all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue,
you know all about it, Lord. (my heart softened more)
5 You have encircled me;
you have placed your hand on me.
6 This wondrous knowledge is beyond me.
It is lofty; I am unable to reach it. (tears clouded my vision)
7 Where can I go to escape your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there.
9 If I fly on the wings of the dawn
and settle down on the western horizon,
10 even there your hand will lead me;
your right hand will hold on to me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me,
and the light around me will be night”—
12 even the darkness is not dark to you.
The night shines like the day;
darkness and light are alike to you.
13 For it was you who created my inward parts;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise you
because I have been remarkably and wondrously made.
Your works are wondrous,
and I know this very well. (my heart had completely softened, as I wept)
15 My bones were not hidden from you
when I was made in secret,
when I was formed in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw me when I was formless;
all my days were written in your book and planned
before a single one of them began.
17 God, how precious your thoughts are to me;
how vast their sum is!
18 If I counted them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand;
when I wake up, I am still with you.
19 God, if only you would kill the wicked—
your bloodthirsty men, stay away from me—
20 who invoke you deceitfully.
Your enemies swear by you falsely.
21 Lord, don’t I hate those who hate you,
and detest those who rebel against you?
22 I hate them with extreme hatred;
I consider them my enemies. (Okay, David had an anger problem. I felt seen. But at the same time “Chill, David”. Random outburst here but understandable considering what he was going through.)
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my concerns.
24 See if there is an offensive way in me;
lead me in the everlasting way.
Click to hear the psalm in song that changed this season of my story.
After this, all Mom said was, “I love you.” As I wiped away tears, I said, “I love you too. Thank you.” She gave me a hug and left as I sat on the bed, rereading the chapter. I felt the need to thoroughly explore what would become my favorite songbook and Book of the Bible. As I continued studying, I noticed how many of the psalms opened with musical instructions: directions for the choir director, references to instruments, even which tune a psalm was to be sung to. That one sit-down led to months of study as I began to discover other layers of the Psalms. The deeper I went into God’s songbook, the more I saw that there was a song for every season.
God put this book in the Bible for a reason. In many of the psalms, He showed us a man who had seasons of deep despair, who sinned miserably and wrestled with the guilt and consequences of that sin, and who struggled with all the things that made him human. Yet time and time again, we also see him fight to remind himself of who God is in his story. In all of that wrestling, Scripture still remembers David as a man after God’s own heart. (1 Samuel 13:14; Acts 13:22)
God was giving us examples of how to grieve and lament, how to bring Him our fears, regrets, and deepest despair, but also how to bring Him our joy, thankfulness, praise, and awe of who He is in our own story.
Selah
Do note that when you are trying to comfort a friend who is in a season of despair and you come to them with a joyful song, God has thoughts about that. Proverbs 25:20 says, “Singing songs to a troubled heart is like taking off clothing on a cold day or like pouring vinegar on soda.”
Stepping into the cold without a coat will sting. Pouring vinegar on baking soda causes a reaction. In the same way, bringing joy to someone who needs space to grieve can sting, even when our intentions are good. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is meet someone in their current season instead of trying to sing and drag them into a different one.
There have been many moments where the heaviness of it all left me feeling as if I was holding on by a thread…yes, it was the thread of His hem, but this daughter of God was weary. I am thankful when God makes us aware that He truly sees us in those moments. I often have music playing in the background. It is very rare for me to sit in perfect silence. Having music helps distract me from the pain and keeps me focused on things I am working on. I have had moments at work, during a run, or in the car where the perfect song for that season came on. Many times, I don’t even remember putting it on my playlist. Every single time, that song has been a balm to the soul, and I have found renewed strength from God to carry on. If that isn’t God’s way of saying, “I see you, and I love you,” I don’t know what is.
I have songs that I will sing while my heart is kneeling on the floor, and others that, in that same sitting, will move my heart to praise Him. That is a choice on my part to take my thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5) and redirect them toward Him. In many ways, I am still doing what the Psalms taught me to do: bringing God the lament of my heart, then reminding my heart who He is.
“Praise You in This Storm” by Casting Crowns is one of the first songs that came to my mind, when I knew this was my next topic. This song went from a cry of my heart to what felt like a battle song as I pressed on, reminding myself of Who my God is in the difficult parts of my life.
Friend, when I am alone in my room, I find myself being “Bapticostal.” I am a whole lot of Baptist and a little bit Pentecostal. When I am praising my Jesus, I cannot sit still. I might not be dancing exactly like David did, but you best believe I am not just swaying to the music.
I have made a profile on Spotify, and I have created playlists for different seasons of life. If you click here, it will take you to those playlists. If you aren’t ready for some of them, my friend, that is okay. Feel free to skip them. Our God understands the season you’re in.
Selah: So, with that knowledge, what is the song that God has used to help you through your darkest valleys? What is that song that helped you lament, but in the same song turned your lament into praise and worship? What about the song that led you to dance as David did? (2 Samuel 6)
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